Baby is
definitely on my brain, but that's not what I'm talking about. Baby
Brain is a condition that sets all pregnant women apart
from the norm. Before I actually became pregnant myself, I always
thought that Baby Brain was just an excuse pregnant women use to get
away with being spacey. Now, even pre-baby I tended to be somewhat spacey on occasion
already – it doesn't take much for me to have a “spacey day.” I
thought, well, I've done that before – how much worse can it really
be? Ah, let me tell you... much, much worse.
At
work, I normally start the day super focused. I'll get my coffee (under
200 mg or decaf, OF COURSE), enjoy the crisp spring sunshine, and
head off to work ready to conquer the task list that lies ahead. But
something happens around 10:00. I've answered emails, met with my
coworkers, and then one thing, ONE TINY THING can set me off for the
rest of the day. Today, I was working on our employees' work schedule
for three weeks out, and I flipped the calendar page and Freaked.
Out. Seriously, ask my coworker! I'm pretty sure she would tell you
that my eyes got huge, I grabbed the table, and looked like I just
saw a centipede on my nose. I saw... JUNE. It's almost June!! The
thought of that floored me (and to be honest, I'm still floored
and trying to recover) for the rest of the day. You know what that
means? June will be over in the blink of an eye and then summer will
be almost over, and then our son will be born at any minute!!!! I
wanted to scream, “I'M NOT READY!!!”
Okay,
I know that sounds extreme, but this is just 10 seconds in the brain
of a pregnant lady. For the rest of the day, Baby Brain led me
through a journey of heavy-heartness where I felt like I was going to
cry with no emotional stimulation whatsoever to super-spaciness where
I would be counting to four – FOUR!! - and I would lose count.
(Wait, Was that orange or yellow? Was I counting East or West? Did I
count East yet? Okay, 4 people upstairs – no 3. No 4. I still have
to count East. I'm hungry.)
Somewhere in the midst of this mess, I got myself good and overwhelmed enough to warrant the warning signs of a panic attack, which I haven't felt in months. Thanks to an understanding workplace, I was able to walk outside and lay in the grass under a bright green tree, watching soul-cleansing wind blow the leaves of weaping willow trees in the distance across a country field. I needed that. Once I got home, I printed out my two registries, plopped my pregnant self on the couch with a giant mason jar of water (summer survival tactic, really), and proceeded to make notes next to each item as I confirmed to myself that yes, we will have everything we need before Gavin arrives. And we don't need that much right away anyway. All will be well.
And what was the reason for my panic? Remember back at 10:00 when I flipped the calendar from May to June? Yep. That's it right there. I'm due in September.
Somewhere in the midst of this mess, I got myself good and overwhelmed enough to warrant the warning signs of a panic attack, which I haven't felt in months. Thanks to an understanding workplace, I was able to walk outside and lay in the grass under a bright green tree, watching soul-cleansing wind blow the leaves of weaping willow trees in the distance across a country field. I needed that. Once I got home, I printed out my two registries, plopped my pregnant self on the couch with a giant mason jar of water (summer survival tactic, really), and proceeded to make notes next to each item as I confirmed to myself that yes, we will have everything we need before Gavin arrives. And we don't need that much right away anyway. All will be well.
And what was the reason for my panic? Remember back at 10:00 when I flipped the calendar from May to June? Yep. That's it right there. I'm due in September.
